Single motherhood






Hi, I'm a Kenyan-born, Colorado-based single mom to twins Hodari and Milambu. I turned the challenges of single motherhood into a thriving YouTube community and blog. Here, I offer support and practical advice on parenting, lifestyle, and more. Let's navigate life's complexities together!


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In the shadows of our smiles and the facade of strength we portray as single moms, lie wounds that no one sees—deep, invisible scars inflicted by the harrowing experience of co-parenting with a toxic ex. It’s a battle that often goes unnoticed, yet its impact on our lives and our sense of self can be devastating. The wounds are not physical, but they run deep within our hearts, tearing at our self-esteem and shattering our confidence.

Co-parenting with a toxic ex is like navigating a treacherous sea, constantly battered by waves of negativity, criticism, and manipulation. It’s an exhausting dance of trying to maintain stability for our children while treading the turbulent waters of a toxic relationship. The constant onslaught of hurtful words and actions can erode the very fabric of our self-worth, leaving us feeling broken and unworthy.

In this uncharted territory, the damage inflicted by a toxic co-parent can be insidious. It seeps into the crevices of our minds, whispering doubts and planting seeds of self-doubt. We question our abilities as mothers, haunted by the echoes of belittlement and manipulation. It can leave us feeling trapped, suffocated by the weight of guilt and self-blame, as we desperately search for a lifeline to restore our shattered confidence.

Yet, amid the darkness and despair, there is hope. We, as single moms, have a strength within us that refuses to be extinguished. Through resilience and determination, we can rise above the wounds inflicted by a toxic ex. In the journey towards healing and reclaiming our self-esteem, we will uncover the power of self-love, forge unbreakable bonds of support, and find solace in the unwavering love and grace of our faith. Together, we will rewrite our narratives, turning our wounds into battle scars that testify to our resilience and serve as a beacon of hope for others walking this path.

Why Healing From The Abuse  of a Toxic Co-parent is Important

Healing while co-parenting with a toxic ex is a vital journey to undertake for your own well-being and the well-being of your children. Although it may be challenging, investing in your healing process is crucial for several reasons:

  • For the well-being of your children: Healing from a toxic co-parenting relationship is vital for the emotional and psychological well-being of your children. When you prioritize your healing, you can provide a healthier environment for your children to thrive in.
  • To break the cycle: By healing and addressing the toxicity, you can break the cycle of dysfunction. Your children can witness healthy coping mechanisms, effective communication, and positive parenting, which can positively impact their own relationships in the future.
  • To maintain your own mental and emotional health: Healing is essential for your own mental and emotional well-being. By addressing the wounds caused by the toxic relationship, you can regain your peace of mind, reduce stress levels, and increase your overall happiness and resilience.
  • So you can model healthy behavior: As a parent, you are a role model to your children. By actively engaging in your own healing process, you demonstrate the importance of self-care, personal growth, and resilience. Your children can learn valuable lessons about facing challenges, setting boundaries, and prioritizing their own well-being.
  • To improve co-parenting dynamics: Healing can positively impact the co-parenting relationship. As you become more emotionally balanced and grounded, you are better equipped to handle conflicts, communicate effectively, and make decisions in the best interest of your children. This can create a more harmonious co-parenting environment.
  • So you can create a positive future: Healing from a toxic co-parenting relationship allows you to focus on building a positive future for yourself and your children. It opens doors to new possibilities, personal growth, and healthier relationships. By investing in your own healing, you create a foundation for a brighter and more fulfilling life.
  • Helps you find closure and move forward: Healing is a process of finding closure and letting go of the past. It enables you to release the pain, resentment, and negative emotions associated with the toxic relationship. By embracing healing, you can free yourself from the weight of the past and move forward with hope, strength, and optimism.

Related: 15 Warning Signs of Emotional Abuse: How to Recognize the Red Flags

10 Steps to Healing and Rebuilding Self-Esteem While Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex

1. Acknowledge the Truth

The first step in healing and rebuilding your self-esteem is to acknowledge the truth about your toxic co-parenting relationship. It’s important to recognize that the negativity and toxicity in the relationship do not define you as a person or as a mother. Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image (Psalm 139:14). Accepting this truth will lay a solid foundation for your healing journey.

Acknowledge the specific behaviors and dynamics that made the co-parenting relationship toxic. Recognize that these behaviors are a reflection of the other person’s issues and choices and not a reflection of your worth or capabilities. By separating your identity from the toxic relationship, you can begin to rebuild your self-esteem and confidence.

2. Seek Your Worth in God’s Eyes

As single moms, it’s common to allow the hurtful words and actions of our toxic exes to define our self-worth. However, we must remember that our value and worth come from our heavenly Father. The Bible reminds us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Take time to meditate on this truth and embrace your identity as a beloved child of God. Let His unconditional love fill the void created by the toxic co-parenting relationship.

When you ground your self-worth in God’s perspective, you recognize that He sees the depth of your heart, your resilience, and your capacity to love and nurture your children. By internalizing God’s view of you, you begin to see yourself as valuable and worthy, regardless of the hurtful words or actions directed at you.

3. Embrace God’s Unconditional Love

No matter what you’ve been through, remember that God loves you unconditionally. He sees your struggles and your heartache. Seek solace in His presence and allow His love to fill the void left by a toxic relationship. Spend time in prayer, meditating on scriptures that remind you of God’s love and promises for your life.

Understand that God’s love is not based on your performance or the approval of others. His love is unwavering, unconditional, and everlasting. By embracing God’s love, you can find healing and restoration for your wounded self-esteem. Allow His love to shape your self-image and empower you to move forward with confidence.

4. Surround Yourself with a Supportive Community

Isolation can further damage our self-esteem, so it’s vital to surround ourselves with a positive and supportive community. Seek out fellow believers who can provide encouragement, understanding, and prayer. Join a local church or a support group for single parents. Connecting with others who share similar experiences can uplift and empower us on our journey toward healing.

Engaging with a supportive community offers a network of individuals who understand your struggles and can offer empathy, guidance, and companionship. They can remind you of your inherent worth and help you navigate the challenges of co-parenting with a toxic ex. Together, you can find solace in shared experiences, learn from one another’s wisdom, and uplift each other in prayer.

5. Embrace Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a powerful tool that frees us from the emotional baggage of toxic co-parenting. It doesn’t excuse the hurtful actions, but it liberates us from carrying the burden of bitterness and resentment. As followers of Christ, we are called to forgive as we have been forgiven (Colossians 3:13). Pray for the strength to release any grudges and extend grace to your toxic ex. Doing so opens the door for healing and restoration in your own life.

Choosing forgiveness is not easy, especially when faced with ongoing toxic behavior. However, forgiving our ex-partner is not about condoning their actions or allowing them back into our lives. It is a personal decision to let go of the pain and anger that holds us captive. By forgiving, we release ourselves from the chains of bitterness, allowing God’s healing to flow into our hearts and rebuild our self-esteem.

6. Prioritize Self-Care

Nurturing your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being is crucial in rebuilding self-esteem and confidence. Set aside time for self-care activities that rejuvenate your spirit. Engage in hobbies or activities that bring you joy and allow you to recharge. Make self-care a priority, knowing that by taking care of yourself, you are better equipped to care for your children and face the challenges of co-parenting.

Self-care is not selfish; it’s a necessary investment in your well-being. You signal that your needs matter by carving out time for yourself. Whether it’s engaging in exercise, practicing mindfulness, or pursuing creative outlets, find activities that replenish your energy and restore your confidence. Remember, you are an extraordinary mom, and taking care of yourself enables you to be the best version of yourself for your children.

7. Focus on Your Children

Toxic co-parenting can sometimes overshadow our ability to see the bigger picture—the well-being and happiness of our children. Redirect your energy towards providing a nurturing and stable environment for your kids. Focusing on their needs and fostering healthy relationships can bring a sense of fulfillment and purpose. Remember, the love and support you pour into your children are invaluable gifts that will positively shape their lives.

When we prioritize our children’s well-being, we shift the focus away from the toxic co-parent and towards creating a loving and secure environment for our little ones. By consciously investing in their lives, we build a foundation of stability, love, and positive values. The act of nurturing and guiding our children can restore our confidence and give us a renewed sense of purpose.

8. Rediscover Your Identity in Christ

As a child of God, your identity is not defined by your past experiences or your relationship with your ex. Dig deep into God’s Word to rediscover your true identity. Understand that you are cherished, strong, and capable of great things through Christ who strengthens you (Philippians 4:13). Embrace the unique qualities and talents God has given you, and use them to fulfill His purpose for your life.

Spend time in prayer and study the Scriptures to understand how God sees you. Reflect on passages that speak about your identity as a child of God, such as Ephesians 1:4-5, which reminds you that you were chosen and adopted into His family. Embrace your God-given strengths and talents, and use them to glorify Him and make a positive impact in the lives of others.

9. Seek Professional Help if Needed

Remember, seeking professional help is not a sign of weakness but a testament to your strength and commitment to healing. If you find it challenging to rebuild your self-esteem and confidence alone, consider reaching out to a trusted counselor or therapist. They can provide guidance, tools, and a safe space to process your emotions and experiences.

A professional counselor or therapist can help you navigate the complexities of a toxic co-parenting relationship and support you in developing healthy coping mechanisms. They can also provide you with strategies to rebuild your self-esteem and confidence from a therapeutic standpoint. Don’t hesitate to seek their assistance if you feel it would be beneficial to your healing journey.

10. Discover God’s Purpose for Your Life

Explore your passions, talents, and strengths. Seek God’s guidance in discerning His purpose for your life. When you align your goals with His will, you’ll find a renewed sense of confidence and fulfillment. Trust that God has a beautiful plan for your future (Jeremiah 29:11).

Prayerfully consider your interests, talents, and the things that bring you joy. Seek God’s direction through prayer and ask for wisdom to understand how He wants to use your unique gifts and experiences for His glory. As you align your life with His purpose, you will find a renewed sense of self-esteem and confidence, knowing that you are living in accordance with His plan for your life.

Related: 14 Simple Ways You Can Show Yourself Kindness Today

Wrapping Up…

In conclusion, dear readers, navigating the path of healing and rebuilding self-esteem and confidence after co-parenting with a toxic ex is a challenging but essential journey. By adopting a biblical worldview, we can find strength, guidance, and restoration in God’s unwavering love and truth.

Acknowledge the truth of your worth as a child of God, fearfully and wonderfully made. Ground your self-worth in God’s perspective rather than the hurtful words or actions of others. Embrace His unconditional love and seek solace in His presence. Surround yourself with a supportive community that uplifts and understands your experiences, providing empathy, guidance, and prayer.

Embrace forgiveness as a powerful tool for releasing the burden of bitterness and resentment. Prioritize self-care to nurture your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Redirect your energy towards focusing on your children’s well-being, creating a nurturing and stable environment for them. Rediscover your true identity in Christ, embracing your unique qualities and talents to fulfill His purpose for your life.

If needed, seek professional help to guide you on your healing journey. Remember that seeking assistance is a sign of strength, not weakness. And finally, trust in God’s plan for your future. Seek His guidance to align your goals and aspirations with His will, finding renewed confidence and fulfillment.

Dear single moms, you are not alone on this journey. God is with you, providing His love, grace, and healing. Surround yourself with a supportive community of believers who can uplift and encourage you. Remember, you are strong, resilient, and capable of overcoming the challenges you face. May your healing journey be filled with restoration, joy, and a deepened sense of self-worth as you embrace God’s transformative power in your life.

How To Heal and Rebuild Self-Esteem While Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex


Jun 26, 2023

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