Single motherhood






Hi, I'm a Kenyan-born, Colorado-based single mom to twins Hodari and Milambu. I turned the challenges of single motherhood into a thriving YouTube community and blog. Here, I offer support and practical advice on parenting, lifestyle, and more. Let's navigate life's complexities together!


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Co-parenting with a difficult ex can feel like trying to navigate a minefield, with every step fraught with potential conflict and tension. As a mother striving to protect and care for her children, the pressure to maintain healthy boundaries can be overwhelming. It’s a delicate dance of knowing when to stand your ground and when to let go, all while trying to keep your children’s well-being at the forefront of your mind.

As you sit down to review your child custody agreement, you can’t help but feel a wave of anxiety wash over you. The legalese and technicalities seem to blur together, making it difficult to understand how to navigate this complex situation. The sound of your phone buzzing with notifications from your ex-partner only adds to your stress, reminding you of the constant pressure to communicate and negotiate.

It’s a constant battle of trying to find a balance between maintaining your boundaries and avoiding unnecessary conflict. You want to create a stable and healthy environment for your children, but the emotional weight of co-parenting with a difficult ex can be exhausting, leaving you feeling drained and uncertain.

However, setting healthy boundaries is crucial to protecting yourself and your children from the negative impact of a difficult co-parenting relationship.

In this blog post, I want to offer some practical tips and insights on how to maintain boundaries while co-parenting with a challenging ex-partner. These strategies have helped me and other single moms navigate the ups and downs of co-parenting, and I hope they will provide you with some support and guidance on your journey.

21 Strategies for Maintaining Boundaries While Co-Parenting With A Difficult Ex

1. Clearly communicate your boundaries

It’s important to be upfront and clear with your ex-partner about the boundaries you’re setting. This includes being specific about what behaviors or actions you won’t tolerate, and what consequences will follow if those boundaries are crossed. By setting clear expectations, you are taking control of the situation and making it easier for your ex-partner to understand what is and isn’t acceptable.

2. Stick to your boundaries

Once you’ve established your boundaries, it’s essential to stick to them. This means being consistent and following through with the consequences you’ve communicated. If you allow your ex-partner to cross your boundaries, they’ll likely continue to do so in the future, leading to further conflicts and stress. By sticking to your boundaries, you’re showing your ex-partner that you’re serious about your expectations and that you won’t tolerate any disrespect.

RELATED: Facing Family Court Alone: The Ultimate Guide for Single Moms

3. Create a parenting plan

A parenting plan can be a useful tool for setting boundaries and establishing clear expectations for co-parenting. It should include a detailed schedule of custody arrangements, visitation rights, and other important aspects of parenting. This can help reduce confusion and disagreements and give both you and your ex-partner a clear understanding of your roles and responsibilities.

4. Limit communication

One way to set boundaries with a difficult ex-partner is to limit your communication with them. This doesn’t mean cutting them off entirely, but rather being intentional about when and how you communicate. For example, you might choose to only communicate via email or text, or you might set specific times during the week when you’re available to talk on the phone. By setting these limits, you can reduce the chances of misunderstandings and conflicts.

5. Use a mediator

If you’re struggling to communicate with your ex-partner, consider using a mediator. A mediator is a neutral third party who can help facilitate communication and negotiation between you and your ex-partner. This can be especially helpful if you’re dealing with a particularly difficult ex-partner or if you’re struggling to make progress on certain issues.

6. Seek outside help

If your ex-partner is violating the boundaries you’ve set, don’t hesitate to seek outside help. This might include reaching out to a therapist, a family law attorney, or a local law enforcement agency. These professionals can help you enforce your boundaries and take appropriate action if necessary.

7. Be assertive

When setting boundaries with a difficult ex-partner, it’s important to be assertive. This means standing up for yourself and your children and not backing down when your ex-partner tries to push your boundaries. By being assertive, you’re sending a clear message that you won’t tolerate any disrespectful or harmful behavior.

Instead of saying, “Please don’t do that,” clearly state what behavior you want to stop and what the consequences will be if it continues. For example, “I need you to stop showing up unannounced at my house. If you continue to do so, I will not answer the door.”

RELATED: 11 Useful Tips for Demonstrating Kindness to a Challenging Co-Parent

8. Stay calm

When dealing with a difficult ex-partner, it’s easy to become emotional and reactive. However, it’s important to remain calm and level-headed when setting boundaries. This will help you communicate your expectations more clearly and reduce the chances of escalating conflicts.

9. Prioritize your children

When setting boundaries with a difficult ex-partner, it’s important to keep your children’s well-being as your top priority. This means setting boundaries that are in the best interests of your children and ensuring that their needs are being met. By doing so, you’re showing your ex-partner that you’re a responsible parent and that you’re committed to co-parenting effectively.

10. Don’t engage in arguments

If your ex-partner is trying to argue with you or engage in conflicts, it’s important to disengage and avoid getting drawn into arguments. This means setting firm boundaries around communication and not responding to messages or calls that are aggressive or disrespectful. By refusing to engage, you’re taking control of the situation and demonstrating that you won’t be manipulated or controlled.

11. Be consistent with consequences for boundary violations

Once you’ve set your boundaries, it’s important to enforce them consistently. If your ex-partner violates your boundaries, communicate the consequences clearly and follow through with them. Consistency is key to showing your ex that you are serious about maintaining your boundaries. It also helps to keep your children safe and secure, knowing that you are in control and their needs are being prioritized.

12. Seek support from a therapist or counselor

Coping with a difficult ex-partner can be emotionally taxing, and seeking help from a professional can be beneficial. A therapist or counselor can provide an objective perspective, help you work through your feelings, and offer guidance on how to communicate with your ex-partner effectively. They can also provide strategies to help you manage stress and anxiety and develop healthy coping mechanisms.

13. Avoid engaging in arguments or conflicts

It’s important to remember that co-parenting is not about winning or losing. If your ex-partner tries to engage you in an argument or conflict, try to remain calm and focused on your boundaries. Don’t take the bait, and avoid getting pulled into a negative cycle of arguments and disagreements. Instead, take a break, cool down, and revisit the issue when you are feeling more level-headed.

14. Use technology to your advantage

If communicating with your ex-partner in person or on the phone is too difficult, consider using technology to communicate. Email or texting can be a useful way to maintain boundaries, as you can take time to carefully craft your responses and set limits on how often you check your messages. There are also co-parenting apps that can help you coordinate schedules and communicate about your children’s needs.

15. Be flexible when necessary

While it’s important to set boundaries, it’s also important to be flexible when necessary. Life is unpredictable, and unexpected events can arise that require changes to your parenting plan. If your ex-partner approaches you with a reasonable request for a change, be open to discussing it and finding a solution that works for both of you. Flexibility can help build trust and goodwill between co-parents, which can ultimately benefit your children.

16. Communicate with your children about boundaries

It’s important to communicate with your children about the boundaries you’ve set with your ex-partner. This can help them understand why certain rules are in place and what they can expect from each parent. It can also help them feel more secure, knowing that their parents are working together to create a stable and consistent environment for them.

RELATED: How To Protect Your Emotional Well-being While Co-Parenting with a Difficult Ex

17. Keep a record of communication

Keeping a record of communication with your ex-partner can be helpful if you need to refer back to specific conversations or agreements. This can include emails, text messages, and notes from phone conversations. It can also be useful if you need to provide evidence of boundary violations or other issues in court.

18. Don’t let guilt or pressure sway your boundaries

It’s common for co-parents to feel guilty about the end of their relationship and the impact it has on their children. It’s also common for ex-partners to try to pressure each other to bend their boundaries. Remember that setting and maintaining boundaries is in the best interest of your children, and don’t let guilt or pressure sway you from doing what’s best for them.

19. Set boundaries around personal time and self-care

As a single parent, it’s important to prioritize your own well-being as well as your children’s. Set boundaries around personal time and self-care, and communicate these boundaries to your ex-partner. This can include taking time to exercise, pursue hobbies, or spend time with friends and family. By taking care of yourself, you’ll be better equipped to handle the challenges of co-parenting with a difficult ex-partner.

20. Remember that setting boundaries is an ongoing process

Setting and maintaining boundaries is not a one-time event, but an ongoing process. As your circumstances and needs change, you may need to adjust your boundaries accordingly. Regularly reevaluate your boundaries and make adjustments as needed, communicating any changes clearly to your ex-partner. It’s important to remain flexible and open to the discussion while still prioritizing your children’s well-being.

21. Don’t be afraid to seek legal assistance

If your ex-partner consistently violates your boundaries, seeking legal assistance may be necessary. This can include working with a lawyer or mediator to modify your parenting plan or enforce court orders. It’s important to understand your legal rights and options and to communicate with your ex-partner about the potential consequences of their actions. Remember that seeking legal assistance should always be a last resort, and should only be pursued if you have exhausted all other options for resolving conflicts.


Setting boundaries while co-parenting with a challenging ex-partner can be a difficult task, but it is crucial for creating a stable and healthy environment for your children. Effective communication, consistency, and seeking outside support are just a few key strategies for setting and maintaining boundaries. Remember that setting boundaries is not about winning or losing, but rather prioritizing the needs of your children and ensuring their safety and well-being. By keeping these tips and insights in mind, you can navigate co-parenting with a difficult ex-partner and create a positive co-parenting relationship for the benefit of your children.

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21 Proven Strategies for Maintaining Boundaries While Co-Parenting With a Difficult Ex


May 10, 2023

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