Can you really be a happy single mom? Is it possible for you to be content in your situation despite the challenges you face as a single parent? If so, how come we don’t see more images of single moms who are happy with their situation?
Someone commented on one of my videos that I should stop promoting single motherhood simply because I posted a video where I was actually enjoying myself with my kids. People are so used to hearing that single moms are struggling or unhappy that when they see one who is actually enjoying themselves, it’s contradictory to what they “know”.
However, I strongly believe that single moms can and should be happy and content in their situation. And I am going to share some of the ways I have found happiness as a single mom.
Nothing in this world will bring you happiness: not your kids, not a new body, not money, not a new house, new car, or new phone. All of those things are great to have but they can never fulfill you and bring you joy as God can.
See, God created us to have a relationship with Him. However, we turned away from God to pursue our own desires thinking that they would give us what we need.
This world promises a lot of things: If you want happiness, get fit. If you want happiness, make more money. If you want happiness, find your soul mate. None of these things will bring you happiness. There are a lot of people who have these things but are still miserable. Only a true relationship with God gives you happiness and joy.
The Bible says that the fruits of the Holy Spirit are “love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:22–23). Outside of Christ, you can’t find true joy and happiness, simply because all of the things we search for and chase in this world can’t fulfill us the way God can.
The thing with happiness found in Christ is that you have it no matter the circumstances in your life. Paul said:
“for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:11–13).
Paul went through a lot of hardships as a Christian. He was persecuted, arrested, beaten, and ultimately killed. But despite all of these challenges, he still persevered and was still content. Why is that? Because his relationship with God is what sustained him. He wasn’t relying on material things, people’s opinions, a soulmate, or even himself. He was reliant on Christ. And because of that, he could go through all of those situations and still be content.
The same is true for us as single moms. We go through a lot of challenges that may be stressful and make us feel defeated. It may be hard to be happy because of all the challenges however if we put our trust in God and allow His Holy Spirit to fill us with His love and joy, we are more likely to experience true lasting peace and happiness despite what we face.
Being happy is not a status, but a decision. If you are going to be a happy single mom, you are going to have to decide to be happy. Be intentional about your happiness.
This is to say that you should learn, like Paul did, to be happy and content no matter what is going on in your life. Don’t allow outside forces to diminish your happiness.
You can’t be a happy single mom if you hate being a single mom. Being a single mom is not the best thing in the world, but it is not the worst thing either. When I first found out I would be one, I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the title single mom and the negative connotations around it.
However, I reached a stage in my life where I realized that I couldn’t do anything to change my status at this time. I definitely wouldn’t go marry some guy just so I can avoid being single, and I’m not really rushing to date anyone; so I had to accept my current status. I am a single mom.
Just because you are a single mom doesn’t mean that you have to be unhappy until you meet someone. You can still find fulfillment in this situation while you hope for a better one. So despite the challenges, the stigma, or the stereotypes; accept where you are, focus on yourself and your kids, and soon enough, if it’s God’s will, the right man will come into your life. But until then, choose to be happy as a single mom.
Forgiveness is not about giving others a pass, it’s about giving ourselves freedom. Freedom to move on from our mistakes, our past, and the wrongs that have been done to us. Despite the benefits, forgiving others and ourselves is not easy.
It can be hard to forgive when someone is constantly wronging you. But as the bible says, “forgive as you have been forgiven”. We forgive because God forgives us every day. When we sin and we ask for forgiveness, God doesn’t bring up all the things we did in the past. He doesn’t hold grudges, He simply forgives. In the same way, we are to forgive those who wrong us.
Even more important than forgiving others is forgiving ourselves. In most cases, we don’t realize that we have wronged ourselves by allowing certain events and people in our lives. And we can live in self-hate because we hate the mistakes we made or the people we interacted with.
Allow God’s forgiveness to be enough for the mistakes you’ve made; for the ways you’ve fallen short and the ways you’ve missed the mark.
It also helps to remember that “there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”. This doesn’t make it okay to do wrong, it just means that we don’t have to stay in the guilt because once we repent of our sins and turn away from them, God forgives us and doesn’t hold us in condemnation.
Real happiness requires you to let go of what you don’t have control over. There are so many things that can cause you to stress if you allow them. So instead of focusing on things that you can’t control and spending time worrying, work on being content and focus only on what you have control over.
Sometimes we may try to control what our ex does, we may worry about our kids and how they are when they are with their dad or we may be concerned about our bills but these worries only rob us of our peace and happiness. So choose not to focus on these things.
Make sure that you are making yourself a priority. When we neglect our well-being, whether it be physical or mental, it is easier to fall into depression, anxiety, and unhappiness.
Take care of yourself: get enough rest, eat the right foods, and exercise.
If you don’t already have one, create a self-care routine that allows you to have some “me” time. Most importantly, develop mental toughness so you can overcome any negative thoughts that may try to sway your belief in what God says about you.
As the old adage goes: comparison is the thief of joy.
In the world of social media, it can be easy to compare yourself to other people’s highlights. You may compare yourself to married moms who have a partner, or parents who can provide for their kids in ways you can’t because you don’t have enough income.
But comparing ourselves to others only steals our joy and peace. It makes us compete with things that don’t exist. Truth be told, you don’t know how those families live their lives. Just because someone is married or has more than you, doesn’t mean they are happy so learn to be content in your situation.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, you can’t find true happiness in the things of this world. People will disappoint you, money won’t ever be enough, and a new body will wither as the years’ progress, so don’t rely on this world to make you happy. Rely on God and allow His Holy Spirit to give you Joy and Peace everlasting.
What are some of the steps you take to ensure that you are happy and content as a single mom? Let me know in the comments.
Aug 18, 2022
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