Single motherhood






Hi, I'm a Kenyan-born, Colorado-based single mom to twins Hodari and Milambu. I turned the challenges of single motherhood into a thriving YouTube community and blog. Here, I offer support and practical advice on parenting, lifestyle, and more. Let's navigate life's complexities together!


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single motherhood





Motherhood—a kaleidoscope of emotions, a tapestry of experiences that weaves joy, love, and fulfillment into our lives. Yet, amidst the boundless beauty lies an insidious temptation fueled by the pervasive presence of social media. We find ourselves caught in a whirlwind of comparison as we scroll through meticulously curated feeds, our eyes tracing the seemingly perfect lives of other moms. With each image-perfect moment, our hearts sink deeper as a nagging voice whispers, “Am I doing enough? Am I good enough?” It is in this challenging landscape that we must reclaim our identities, our worth, and our unique journeys.

In the realm of social media, where filters cloak reality and highlight reels overshadow the rawness of everyday life, we must remind ourselves that comparison is a treacherous path. Each mother’s expedition through the labyrinth of motherhood is as distinct as a fingerprint, adorned with personal triumphs, struggles, and quirks. Embracing our individuality becomes the key to unlocking a positive and fulfilling parenting experience. Together, let us embark on a journey that transcends comparison, discovering practical tips to kindle joy in our paths as mothers.

Why You Should Stop Comparing Yourself To Other Moms

Comparison, like a stealthy intruder, can silently weave its way into the fabric of our thoughts and emotions, leaving behind a trail of negativity and discontentment. Its impact on our well-being and our experience as mothers is far-reaching, casting a shadow over the joys and achievements that should define our journey. Let us delve deeper into the negative effects of comparison, so that we may fully understand the importance of freeing ourselves from its grasp.

  1. Diminished Self-Worth: When we constantly compare ourselves to other moms, we tend to focus on our perceived shortcomings and flaws. We overlook our unique strengths, talents, and accomplishments, leading to a sense of inadequacy and diminished self-worth. The relentless comparison game erodes our confidence, making it challenging to fully embrace and enjoy the beautiful moments of motherhood.
  2. Increased Stress and Anxiety: Comparison often fuels a cycle of stress and anxiety. As we constantly measure ourselves against others, we place undue pressure on ourselves to meet unrealistic standards. The fear of falling short or not being “good enough” can be overwhelming, causing anxiety to consume our thoughts and actions. This heightened stress negatively impacts our overall well-being, as well as our ability to be present and attuned to our children’s needs.
  3. Strained Relationships: Constant comparison not only affects our relationship with ourselves but also has a ripple effect on our interactions with others. The mindset of comparison can breed envy, competition, and judgment, straining the bonds of friendship and community among moms. Instead of fostering support and camaraderie, we may find ourselves caught in a web of comparison, unable to truly celebrate and uplift one another.
  4. Unrealistic Expectations: Comparison often leads to the adoption of unrealistic expectations. We strive to replicate the seemingly perfect lives and achievements we observe in others, neglecting the reality that every mother and child is unique. By setting unattainable benchmarks, we set ourselves up for disappointment and frustration, missing out on the beauty and authenticity of our individual journeys.
  5. Impaired Focus and Joy: When our focus is constantly directed toward what others are doing or achieving, we lose sight of our own path. Comparison distracts us from cherishing the present moment and fully immersing ourselves in the joys of motherhood. It hinders our ability to appreciate the milestones, triumphs, and simple pleasures that make our journey special.

By recognizing and understanding the negative impact of comparison, we can begin to break free from its grip and foster a more positive and fulfilling experience as mothers. In the following sections, we will explore practical tips to overcome comparison, nurture self-acceptance, and find true contentment in our unique paths as moms.

Related: Unlocking Everyday Magic: 40 Ways to Romanticize Your Daily Life as a Mom

Breaking the Comparison Trap: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Moms

Now that we have delved into the negative effects of comparing yourself to other moms, it’s time to take proactive steps towards breaking free from this harmful cycle.

1. Acknowledge Your Triggers

The first step towards stopping the comparison game is recognizing your triggers. Reflect on what aspects of motherhood make you feel inadequate or lead to comparison. Is it seeing other moms’ achievements on social media? Is it attending playdates where you compare your child’s milestones to others? Identifying these triggers will enable you to develop strategies to navigate them effectively.

2. Focus on Your Strengths

Every mom possesses unique strengths and talents. Instead of fixating on what you lack or what others seem to excel at, focus on your own strengths. Embrace your abilities and celebrate the qualities that make you a remarkable mom. Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, and your unique strengths will guide you on your journey.

Another way is to practice gratitude. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have. Take a moment each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for. It could be something as simple as having a healthy child or having a roof over your head. Practicing gratitude can help shift your focus from what you lack to what you have.

3. Limit Social Media Consumption

Social media can be a breeding ground for comparison and self-doubt. Set boundaries for yourself by limiting the time you spend scrolling through platforms like Instagram and Facebook. Remember that social media often showcases the highlights of others’ lives, not the full reality. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment offline, connecting with your child and nurturing your own interests.

4. Build a Supportive Network

Surround yourself with a supportive network of moms who understand and appreciate your individual journey. Seek out groups or communities where you can share experiences, seek advice, and find encouragement. Building connections with like-minded moms will remind you that you are not alone and that every mother faces unique challenges.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. Understand that no mother is perfect, and everyone has their own struggles. Instead of being self-critical, embrace self-care practices that prioritize your physical and mental well-being. By nurturing yourself, you’ll be better equipped to nurture your child and find contentment in your own journey.

6. Set Realistic Goals

Comparing ourselves to other moms often arises from setting unrealistic expectations. Set achievable goals that align with your values and priorities. Understand that your journey may look different from others, and that’s perfectly okay. Focus on progress rather than perfection, and remember that your child’s happiness and development are influenced by various factors beyond comparison.

Related: 7 Ways I Am Prioritizing My Well Being As A Single Mom

7. Embrace Uniqueness and Differences

Every child and every family is unique. Embrace the diversity of parenting styles, choices, and experiences. Recognize that what works for someone else may not work for you, and vice versa. Embracing differences fosters a supportive and inclusive environment where moms can celebrate each other’s successes rather than compare themselves.

8. Replace Comparison with Something Else

When you find yourself comparing yourself to other moms, try replacing that thought with something else. For example, instead of thinking, “I wish I had her body,” think, “I am grateful for my body and all that it does for me.” By replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, you can shift your focus from comparison to gratitude.

9. Support Others

Another way to stop comparing yourself to other moms is to support them. Instead of feeling envious of another mom’s success, celebrate it. When you see another mom doing well, congratulate her. When you support others, you create a positive environment that encourages growth and success.

10. Have Supportive Friends

Having supportive friends is essential when it comes to stopping the comparison game. Surround yourself with friends who uplift you and encourage you. When you have friends who support you, it’s easier to focus on your own journey and not compare yourself to others.

11. Remember the Truth about Social Media

Social media can be a breeding ground for comparison, however, it’s important to remember that social media is not real life. People only post their highlight reels, and you never know what’s going on behind the scenes. When you find yourself comparing yourself to other moms on social media, remind yourself that you are only seeing a small part of their lives.

Related: How to Overcome Loneliness and Find Joy as a Single Mom


In the world of motherhood, comparison can be an ever-present temptation, threatening to overshadow our joy and self-worth. However, armed with practical tips and a renewed perspective, we can liberate ourselves from its grip. By acknowledging our triggers, focusing on our strengths, limiting social media consumption, building a supportive network, practicing self-compassion, setting realistic goals, and embracing uniqueness, we can break free from the comparison game. Remember, your journey as a mom is beautifully unique, and by embracing your individuality, you create a space of fulfillment, contentment, and genuine connection with both yourself and your children. Embrace your own path and celebrate the extraordinary mom that you are.

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Moms and Rediscover Joy

stop comparing yourself to other moms

Jun 9, 2023

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