Single motherhood






Hi, I'm a Kenyan-born, Colorado-based single mom to twins Hodari and Milambu. I turned the challenges of single motherhood into a thriving YouTube community and blog. Here, I offer support and practical advice on parenting, lifestyle, and more. Let's navigate life's complexities together!


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single motherhood





Do you ever get the feeling that when they were handing out the motherhood manuals, you were left holding the baby and missed the memo? Between deciphering the origins of those midnight mystery stains and mastering the subtle art of toddler diplomacy, it sometimes feels easier to fly a spaceship than navigate the rollercoaster of single motherhood. We find ourselves donning survival goggles, navigating through the fog with a ‘survive-now, sleep-when-they’re-18’ kind of mindset.

But what if I told you that tucked away, perhaps in that elusive sock drawer of dreams, there exists a switch, ready to catapult you from survival mode to thriving mode? That’s right, it’s time to shimmy out of those survival boots and slide into a pair of dazzling thrive-high heels (or hey, a pair of fabulous flats — you do you!). Get ready to embrace the joy, the growth, and yes, even the chaos, with a fresh new perspective as we take a whimsical whirl into how to thrive, and not just survive. Trust me, by the end of this, you’ll be more than surviving — you’ll be flourishing with vibrant vitality and grace!


What Does It Mean to Thrive?

Being a single mom is hard. Amidst all the responsibilities and challenges, you may often find yourself just trying to make it through the day. The weight of juggling work, home, school runs, and the myriad unexpected surprises that life throws at you can sometimes drain you, leaving you in what we dub “survival mode.” In this mode, your children might occasionally see a weary, almost lifeless version of the vibrant woman you truly are.

But what if it didn’t have to be like this? What if, instead of merely surviving, you were laughing in the face of adversity, taking challenges in stride, and showing your kids the power of resilience? What if you could wear your genuine smile, not as a mask, but as a symbol of triumph over every little hiccup life presents?

Thriving, in this sense, isn’t about having a perfect life where everything neatly falls into place. (Let’s be honest, when was the last time anything went “neatly” with kids in the mix?). It’s about embracing the imperfections, growing through the hardships, and teaching our children that they too can find joy, purpose, and success, no matter the storms they face.

To thrive is to find balance, even in the most chaotic moments. It’s about nurturing not only your child’s dreams but yours too. It means taking time for self-reflection, continuously learning, and celebrating every victory, no matter how small.

In essence, thriving is when you feel empowered and in control, even when life throws its curveballs. It’s about harnessing your inner strength, leveraging resources, building a supportive community, and most importantly, granting yourself grace. Let’s redefine what it means to be a single mom – not just making ends meet, but making every moment count. It’s time to shift gears and truly thrive!

Mental Shifts That Help You Thrive as a Single Mom

Mental well-being is the underpinning foundation of thriving. As single moms, the daily grind can take a toll, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. Here’s the real game-changer: the power of perspective. By consciously shifting our mindset, we can change our entire experience of motherhood and life. Here are some pivotal mental shifts to consider:

  1. From Overwhelm to One Step at a Time: Instead of viewing the mountain of tasks ahead, focus on the next step. Celebrate each small win and remember, Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is the perfect parenting journey.
  2. From Isolation to Community: It’s easy to feel alone in this journey. But remember, there’s a community out there – be it other single moms, supportive family, or helpful neighbors. Embrace the village; lean into it.
  3. From Comparison to Self-compassion: The dangerous game of comparison, especially in the age of social media, can dampen spirits. Remember, everyone’s journey is unique. Celebrate your path, with its ups and downs, and treat yourself with the kindness you’d offer a dear friend.
  4. From Control to Adaptability: While it’s natural to want control over every aspect of life, it’s also liberating to realize some things are simply out of our hands. Embracing adaptability helps us pivot with grace and resilience.
  5. From Guilt to Grace: As moms, guilt often becomes our unwanted shadow. Be it about choices, time management, or the occasional need for personal space. It’s crucial to give ourselves grace, understanding that it’s okay to be imperfect.
  6. From Fixed to Growth Mindset: Adopting a growth mindset, one where challenges are seen as opportunities for growth and where failures are merely stepping stones to success, can transform our approach to every situation.

Remember, thriving starts within. By cultivating a healthy mindset, embracing positive shifts, and giving ourselves the mental nourishment we deserve, we pave the way not only for our well-being but also for the happiness and health of our children. Let these mental shifts be your compass as you navigate the beautiful, chaotic waters of single motherhood.


11 Proven Strategies to Thrive, Not Just Survive, as a Single Mom

1. Self-Care: It’s Non-Negotiable

You’ve heard it on flight safety videos: “Put your own oxygen mask on first before assisting others.” This isn’t just about altitude; it’s a life mantra. Amidst hectic schedules, never-ending chores, and playing superhero for your little ones, don’t forget the heroine at the heart of it all – YOU. Whether it’s immersing yourself in a lavish bubble bath, a cherished morning ritual before the household stirs, binge-watching that TV show everyone’s raving about, or that secret stash of gourmet chocolate you enjoy after bedtime; ensure you’re penciling in some ‘Me-Time.’ And hey, banish that guilt to the naughty corner; it’s not invited!

2. Let Go and Let God

Christian single mamas, our journey is unique and sometimes laden with questions and doubts. We’ve all had those nights, staring at the ceiling, wondering if we’re making the right choices for our little ones or feeling the weight of the world on our shoulders. During these moments, it’s pivotal to remember that while we play a significant role, there’s a greater power guiding us.

Proverbs 3:5-6 is more than just a verse; it’s a lifeline. “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” Trusting in Him means surrendering our worries, fears, and even our dreams. By doing so, we aren’t just finding solace for ourselves but also setting a sterling example for our children on faith, perseverance, and divine reliance. And guess what you can do when you’re not worrying? Thriving, of course!

3. Embrace the Tech

Wonder Woman, while iconic, is a comic character; you, on the other hand, are vividly real. And even superheroes need a sidekick. Embrace the wonders of modern technology to be your virtual assistant. From scheduling auto-bill payments to having groceries delivered at your doorstep, to employing robotic vacuum cleaners (they’re cute and efficient), there’s a tech solution for nearly every chore. Go ahead, give yourself a break. The future is now!

4. Build Your Support Circle

There’s a special kind of magic in surrounding yourself with people who just “get it.” Whether it’s the fellow single mom from your kid’s school, the empathetic colleague at work, or the neighbor who’s always up for a coffee chat, nurture these bonds. They’re your go-to for advice, venting, or just a good ol’ laugh. Got a funny meme? Group text! Need a quick pep talk? Group text! Honestly, where would we be without our tribe?

RELATED: How to Build a Support System as a Single Mom

5. Have Mantras for Tough Days

Let’s face it, some days feel like a marathon with no finish line in sight. For moments like these, arm yourself with a mantra that resonates deep within. Maybe it’s “I’ve got the power,” or the reassuring “This too shall pass.” Whatever it is, let it be your anchor. Whisper it, shout it, sing it – make it your battle cry to seize the day!

6. Elevate Yourself: Learn, Grow, and Glow

Knowledge isn’t just power; it’s your ticket to evolving. Interested in boosting your financial game? Dive into investment basics or explore an exciting side hustle. Seeking spiritual or emotional growth? The world of self-help literature and enlightening webinars awaits. Every lesson is a stepping stone to a better you.


7. Celebrate the Marvelously Messy Moments

Perfection is passé. Welcome to the club where mismatched socks are a fashion statement and where impromptu living room dance-offs reign supreme. Life isn’t about that picture-perfect Instagram post; it’s about those candid, chaotic, beautifully messy moments. So, let your hair down (even if it hasn’t seen shampoo in days) and embrace the chaos.

RELATED: Unlocking Everyday Magic: 40 Ways to Romanticize Your Daily Life as a Mom

8. Go Easy on Yourself

In the intricate dance of motherhood, there are bound to be missteps. Remember, it’s okay not to be perfect; you’re human. Those challenging days? They’re just as much a part of the journey as the victories. So when things don’t go as planned, give yourself grace. Each moment—whether a misjudgment or a milestone—is an opportunity to learn and grow. Celebrate all that you do, every day, and remember: every challenge you face is a testament to your resilience and strength.

9. Create a Sacred Sanctuary

Every home has that special nook that seems to beckon us – maybe it’s drenched in sunlight in the mornings or perhaps it’s that cozy corner with the comfiest chair. It’s essential to claim that spot and make it your own little haven. Whether you fill it with scented candles, inspiring books, or calming decor, this should be where you feel most at peace.

Here, in this sacred space, you can dive deep into your prayers, meditate on Bible verses, or simply breathe and savor a cup of tea. By honoring your need for this space, you also teach your children a vital lesson. In a world of constant noise and distraction, the value of solitude and reflection is immeasurable. They’ll grow up understanding that reconnecting with oneself is just as crucial as connecting with the world.

RELATED: 100 Self-Care Ideas For Every Aspect Of Your Life

10. Embrace the Moment and Find Joy in the Now

With the constant juggle of responsibilities, it’s easy to get lost in the maze of daily tasks. However, amidst the routines, don’t forget to cherish the spontaneous moments of laughter, the unexpected hugs, and the joy of just being together. These are the moments that matter most. Whether it’s a shared joke, a sudden dance-off in the kitchen, or the simple act of reading a book together, it’s these seemingly insignificant moments that build a life rich in memories. Remember, it’s not always about the big milestones but the countless little moments that make your journey unique.

11. Always Remember Your Why

Amidst the cacophony of everyday life, the endless list of to-dos, and the rollercoaster of emotions, it’s incredibly easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. But every now and then, between that third load of laundry and the umpteenth spilled juice, it’s essential to stop, breathe, and bask in the warmth of your “why.” Those twinkling eyes that never tire of looking up at you, those infectious giggles that have the power to instantly melt away the fatigue, and those tiny, tender hands, forever reaching out, seeking your embrace.

These are the moments, the memories, the motivators. Remember, you’re not just their go-to for everything; you’re the beacon they navigate by, the lighthouse in their stormy nights. You’re their world, their guiding star, their indefatigable, irreplaceable mom. Every struggle you face, every challenge you overcome, it’s all for that one sweet smile, that one hug that says, “Thank you, mom. I love you.” Always hold onto that.

RELATED: How To Heal and Rebuild Self-Esteem While Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex

Wrapping Up…

Being a single mom is both a challenge and a privilege. Each day presents its unique hurdles, but with determination and the right tools, we don’t just overcome them; we turn them into stepping stones for growth. These tips are not just about managing the day-to-day; they’re about embracing the strength that lies within you and realizing that you’re not alone on this journey.

Your role as a mother is paramount, but remember to also cherish the individual that you are. Every triumph, no matter how small, is a testament to your resilience. So here’s to you, the heroes in the daily grind of motherhood. Keep pushing forward, because both you and your little ones are worth every effort.

How to Thrive, Not Just Survive As A Single Mom


Sep 12, 2023

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